And so I start my life
by Bisse
Summary: Set just after the kiss in Matrix One, how do Trinity and Neo go about forming a relationship?
1. Default Chapter

Sometimes the world could be so bad. Life could be so unrelenting. So cold. The frigidity of the ship, the constant texture of metal beneath my hand, the way the council were so eager to supply bullets but yet so unwilling to give their soldiers anything more appetizing to eat. The fear and the tension of fighting a war all bottled up inside a fighter's body. So overwhelming. But when Neo opened his eyes after we'd thrown the EMP switch, after I'd thrown my body over his, after I'd given to him my heart in just a few words, I had never found life so beautifully good. I'm not afraid anymore. Do you know why? Because I love you. So beautiful, the anti climax from the edge of death for us all, the return from death for Neo. We looked at each other for the first time. We had seen each other before, of course, but that was the first time that we had shared the same gaze, purposefully.  
  
Oh god how long I had wanted to stare at him! Or rather how badly I had wanted him to stare back at me. I had tried not to, I had tried to act as nonchalant as if I was simply his colleague. Instead of a woman scared out of her mind. Scared of something that seemed to be unavoidable, scared because it was something unavoidable. So it was such a relief to look at him, to see his eyes focus on me, to see his body reanimating itself. He was alive. He is the One. I knew that he finally believed that himself.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED.*horns blowing*..hope you enjoy this sure to be angst ridden piece. I love angst and tension! Bisse xx 


	2. We are what we pretend to be

Code can make your eyes cross over sometimes, after staring at it for hours at a time. Green figures flowing smoothly down an invisible axis. So overwhelming when you think about it, the code never ends. I used to believe that if you stared at the TV for too long then your eyes would become square shaped. Ha. There weren't any computers around when I was younger but I'm sure that the old wives tale would now apply to computer monitors too. Stare at anything for too long and it screws you right up. Trinity. Square eyes. Hacker. Obsessed?  
  
No. I'm not obsessed. I'm not.  
  
How could I be obsessed over someone that I don't even know? Or perhaps the appropriate question is, how can I deny the fact that I have an obsession with someone that I don't even know, when most of my time these days is consumed by watching him? Oh no, no obsession factor there, Trinity.  
  
But he's so complex. So beautiful.  
  
Beautiful men can break your heart.  
  
I'm so confused.  
  
* * *  
  
It all started with a trip to the Oracle. I had never met her before, I didn't know exactly what to expect from this woman, this person for whom Morpheus had such great respect. Cypher hated her, hated her calm demeanour as a contrast to his inner rage. Switch and Apoc regarded their previous visits as meetings if they had spoken to God herself. And me? I was scared of her. Scared from the very moment that Morpheus had mentioned that I was ready to see her. Scared of the idea of somebody so important in the Matrix. Not that I told anyone of course. I was afraid of my own fear, afraid that I would be sent to live in Zion with the naturally born if I expressed any doubt in Morpheus. So I plugged in just the same, all noir glasses and cemented hair, and walked forcefully into the dingy apartment.  
  
"She'll see you now, Trinity."  
  
She wasn't what I expected. She isn't who most would expect to see being the Oracle. A streetwise, chain smoking grandmother, gesturing to things with her spatula, her knitting needle, her cigarette. She was facing the stove when I first walked in, poking a turkey with a fork. But she spoke to me anyways. "Hello Trinity. I've been looking forward to this visit for a long time." She turned around to me and smiled, "I'm sorry if I seem a little distracted, but this turkey needs to go in now or else it won't cook by tonight." She heaved open the over door.  
  
"Tonight?" I still stood in the doorway.  
  
"Why it's thanksgiving, honey! Though of course I don't expect you to remember all that, you've been busy enough as it is outside of the Matrix. Training to do, muscles to build, codes to encrypt.a true soldiers life you're living now, aren't you?"  
  
I watched her bustle about the kitchen, suddenly feeling saddened. A true soldier? I was unsure as to how she expected me to respond. Did she mean to say that, or was it just something that harmlessly came out of her mouth? I couldn't decide. There was an awkward silence in the kitchen as she finished putting the bird in the oven. I didn't offer to help but stood there in silent contemplation, staring at the snowflakes floating past the window. A true soldier? She interrupted my thoughts, "we are what we pretend to be."  
  
"Excuse me?" I looked back at her, startled.  
  
"The image that you project onto others soon becomes a part of who you are, a kind of cosmetic of the personality if you will." The Oracle gestured for me to take a seat, pulling the worn mitts off of her hands. She watched me for a second before pulling a lighter from her pocket, putting a cigarette to her mouth. "You see this cigarette?" I nodded.  
  
"I started years ago, I knew even then that it was a nasty old habit. But I kept on buying them, until they started to grow on me. I thought that because I was a computer program, because I knew that all that went on in the Matrix was an illusion, that it couldn't hurt to take up a bad habit." She nodded her head ruefully at me, watching the cherry of her Salem glow. "But I cough, catch the odd cold, a stray wheeze far more easily then all them non smokers. Why? Because I created myself as a smoker, I defined myself as a woman who still buys a pack a day from the corner shop on Madison and 64th. Even though I know that I live in a dream world, my smoking has made itself real. What you decide to do and who you pretend to be always has an affect on the person you are destined to be seen as. Even if you're only pretending." She took a long drag. "Tell me Trinity. What kind of person do you think you are seen as?"  
  
I didn't answer her.  
  
"I can tell that you ain't much for talking. You're probably sitting there wondering why I even asked for you to come today, wondering why I've been talking about myself all of this time when really I'm supposed to be analyzing you? Well I can tell you this, you are a very special woman. A woman who's destiny is far greater than that of just a warrior, a soldier.a pawn in the game of the machine."  
  
I interrupted her. "You're wrong. I am a soldier.I'm a fighter for the Resistance."  
  
A twinkle in her eye. A slight smile. "I said 'more than' honey. I know what Zion's been programmed to tell you, fighter for the freedom of the human race.all that army crap. What I meant was, is that you have more to you than the average unplugged. You have a fate that is more complex than you would ever had imagined. You, Trinity, will live to one day change the fate of this war that we are fighting at this very moment."  
  
I stared at her in disbelief, what kind of reaction does one give to a sentence like that? I tried. "What?"  
  
A flick of the ash. Another slight smile. "Your life will become closely entwined with another unplugged, you will support each other, nurture, strengthen. This certain unplugged will also be key to the fate of the resistance, his unplugging will herald a change in the code, a panic in the mainframe of the Matrix, an all out effort to destroy him. This unplugged will be the One."  
  
I swallowed for the first time since she had started to speak. "The One? But what do I have to do with the One? You've got it all wrong, it's Morpheus who's going to find him.I have nothing to do with him!" I tried to control my voice but it ended up coming out defensive, almost like an accusation. "What do I have to do with finding the One?"  
  
She was watching my discomfort calmly. I felt like a schoolchild waiting for my detention slip. "You are a lot more important than you think you are, Trinity. Yes, Morpheus will be the person who physically finds the One, who brings him into the real world. But it is you who will find him spiritually. You see, the One won't realize that he is the One. Being the One isn't a sudden realization. It will come to him like adolescence, a slow process of change. And you will be by his side to help him." She stubbed out the butt and looked straight into my eyes, "you, Trinity, will fall in love. You will fall in love so strongly that you will be ready to die for this man. The man you will fall in love with, will be the One."  
  
Now I know that I couldn't have moved if a whole army of Sentinels had charged through the front door. I was completely and utterly lost for speech, my face paling and my eyes widening behind the glasses, a welcome barrier. It was just about the most out there thing I had ever heard, the most unheard of. I swallowed again. "I'm going to fall in love?"  
  
"Is that so unbelievable?"  
  
Yay..over 1 thousand words this time! I know that it seems a little confusing but I promise that this story does have an actual base line. Keep those comments coming, I just loved getting that one word review: "boring!" -classic. But, as I said, disses are all part of the writing process. Blah blah blah. Enjoy ~Bisse~ 


	3. I was quiet

I'm a pretty quiet person, so my silence didn't seem to faze Morpheus after exiting the building. I didn't actually talk for the next two days. I just didn't have anything to say. I think that I was worried that if I opened my mouth, something would come seeping out between my teeth. The control of speech was wriggling its way out of my hands, their grip loosened by distraction. I imagined it being something like this, "Switch, could you pass me a spork? Oh, and by the way, I'mgoingtofallinlovewiththeOne."  
  
So unlike me. So depressing. It was impossible to have a coherent stream of thought without questions buzzing around my cerebrum, annoying insects that turned my days into a mixture of struggling to sleep at night and struggling to keep awake during the day. With a bit of tuning out in between. 'You, Trinity, will fall in love.', said the Oracle to Trinity, thus changing her life into one big 'blah blah blah.'  
  
That is, until we finally located him in the Matrix.  
  
In hindsight, can anyone pinpoint the day that turned fate? I don't think so. But we could, Morpheus and I. Granted, he believed before I did. But when I found myself at his door, his unplugged body passed out on the cot, my hands itching to stroke his cheek, my lips swelling in anticipation for something that they couldn't taste, I started to believe as Morpheus did; that fate had come smacking into our windshield the day that we found Neo's apartment.  
  
Ok, I've picked up this story again. Love it? Like it? Hate it? I'm really having a ball writing this so it's no problem to get some constructive criticism. I've been studying for exams so I've really not had any time to devote myself to longer pieces of writing..shame really.This will go on to tell the story from Trin's perspective- an N/T romance thing about the beginning of their relationship. Awww. Love it. Hope you're enjoying it! ~Bisse~ 


	4. Club Remix

I watched him from the very start, determined to find flaws in this man,  
this...this coppertop. I needed to find flaws that would render him unable to  
be exactly who Morpheus claimed him to be. Simple. Standard procedures.  
Like hell it was.  
Trinity. Square eyes. Hacker. Obsessed.  
As it would be, there was nothing to Neo that I didn't find intriguing. His  
eating cycle of cereal, cereal...and more cereal, the never fading stubble,  
his little naps in front of the monitor, those sad eyes. My watches over  
him became more and more regular, until the crew came to expect that Neo  
Watch be always given to one person. I felt like a lifeguard, his apartment  
was my turf.  
"You like him". Cypher drawled to me one time. Sneaky bastard. But he was  
right.  
I hated that he was right.  
* * * *  
I can remember our first contact. Dujour's inked rabbit compelled him to  
follow, a village boy following the trail of unanswered questions to the  
witches house. He had found nothing but a free beer.  
The music pulsated through my head and my feet, twitching in their steel-  
toed boots. More noise than I'd heard in a long time, more people than I  
was used to having near me. It wasn't hard to find him though, the only  
person in the room wearing more than one shade of the colour spectrum. Like  
a Toyota in a rodeo of Ford Model T's. Not to mention the fact that I'd  
just spent the last 3 hours watching him.  
I had to pause and catch my breath, which had mysteriously vanished from my  
lungs. Inhale for four, hold for eight, exhale for twelve. I wish I had  
time to download a crash course in meditation.  
This was him. The thief of dreamless nights and a appetite. Of a normal  
body temperature.  
Steady on, Trinity.  
The 'It' guy. The only topic of conversation for the last three weeks.  
I said, steady on!  
I closed my lids on his image and dug deep within to find the cool  
detachment I needed to be able to approach him. My soul armour. With it, I  
was unstoppable. An untouchable trained to speak without the tinge of fear.  
Without the complications of emotion. But for some reason, my armour wasn't  
working. It appeared to be permeable...weakened by the thumping of my heart,  
valves opening and closing furiously to supply the much needed oxygen. Lub  
dub, lub dub. Like a techno baseline my heart thumped to the firing of my  
nerve impulses, creating the biological symphony of my unsettled body.  
Would I be able to approach him?  
Adrenaline flowed through my veins as smoothly as the low croon of a  
clarinet.  
Yes. Yes, I would.  
And I did.  
I was unplugged that night with clenched fists. With an ache in my jaw that  
told me I'd been grinding my teeth again. I carried the tension into my  
sleep, my empty stomach curled against the knees. I woke up hours later,  
sweaty, the knees making a braid of the sheets between them. He had been  
there and I had been there. At that club, and we were so sweaty. We were  
both of us so sweaty, shining like we had just been expelled from the womb.  
I reached for you to hold your hand, my fingers engulfed in your strong  
grip. You wiped the gleam off my bare collarbone with my own hand, stopping  
to rest just about my heart. And we locked eyes. Like the two poles, our  
blue and brown were stuck. And I felt transfixed. I could not get enough of  
him. 


End file.
